Thursday, June 18, 2009


I know it has been forever since I have posted a blog, but I have a hard time getting to this along with everything else. I have some things to say about my husband that I don't say often enough.
As father's day approaches I think back before I was a mother and before Dutch was a father. I try to think about what it was like to NOT be parents. I struggle with that thought. I know we did more for ourselves, but I can honestly say that I do not remember sleeping in every weekend or having dinner with just Dutch every night. One thought that always creeps into my head is when I was due to have Megan. I was OVER due to have Megan and I would find Dutch sitting in her nursery. He would be sitting in the oversized rocking chair with a baby book of somekind. He would be just sitting, rocking and reading. I would find him there several times until I asked "what are you doing?". He, so big, burly and adorable, said back..."I just want my baby... Why won't you just give me my baby?". I can just picture it. Like I was purposely carrying around this big belly holding it all for myself and not sharing the reward. Believe me, at 9 months and 1 week pregnant, I would have LOVED to GIVE IT TO HIM! Thank you Dutch for being READY for Megan. At her birth, I remember Dutch so badly wanted a boy. He secretly wished for it all 9 months. I heard... "IT'S A.....G.I.R.L" I was panicked. I turned immediately to Dutch and asked him "Are you disappointed?" His reply, gently and perfectly "How could I be?" Thank you Dutch for being so perfectly ready to be a dad of a GIRL. You are the best Dad of a girl that I know (and that is saying A LOT). About 3 1/2 years passed. We were pretty good parents to Megan, Not great, not horrid... pretty good. We both made mistakes (we still do). But all in all, we love each other and do a good job. I started craving a baby. Before we were married, Dutch and I had agreed to 2-3 children. I wanted 2, he wanted 3. Now, all of a sudden, he wanted only 1. Megan. Oh No! You do not break that contract. That was a pre-negotiated contract that was bound by the legality of marriage. So, we DISCUSSED it often. Finally, 1 weekend Megan and I went to NY. When we returned, Dutch met us in the basement. As I am walk up the stairs to the kitchen, Dutch called to me... "Oh, by the way...I think I am ready for a 2nd child". My response is "well I hope so... cause I think I am pregnant!" And I was. 9 months later we were given our Joshua. His birth was a struggle. He ended up needing to be removed by emergency c-section. It was very scary. Again, Dutch was perfect through it all. Thank you Dutch for being the perfect birth partner. Problems in our marriage came and went as they always do for couples. I never doubted that Dutch LOVES his family. Thank you for that, Dutch. As life progresses and and days turn boring and routine, I still see him as the greatest dad... day after day! Times when I think he will be frustrated and upset, he is not. He never hesitates to pick up and volunteer his time to them and their activities. We have seemed to silently work out our "roles". Mine being the disciplinarian and organized one, and Dutch's being the provider and fun one. I know our children can count on us. Our children are well balanced, mature, fun, outgoing, jocks, klutzs, cultured, messy, organized, and LOVED. Thank you for balancing my weaknesses. Then November 2006 along came #3. Monika. Dutch loved her from the day she was born, but love was not enough in that situation. Dutch fought the fight and lost, knowing that one day she would knock on our door. She entered our lives through destiny (do I need to mention the haircut) and together we welcomed her with open arms. No matter how seperate Dutch was in her life, when I see her, I see him. There are qualities that we posess that is beyond us. Qualities of strength, humor, security that are either in you or they are not. They are in Dutch and they are in Monika. Dutch you are so special to have made that work. You have the strength and conviction that I only wish I hard. You are a fabulous dad. Thank you for being the father of MY children. Thank GOD for making you the father of my children. As the pastor said at our wedding, we are different enough to keep things interesting. I love you!