Friday, August 27, 2010

First Day Jitters....whose jitters?

I know it is is every parents dream to raise self confident, self reliant, independent, responsible children.  But when it actually happens before your eyes it is sometimes hard to watch.  It is kind of like riding a  rollercoaster trying to cover your eyes but watch all at the same time. Josh and Megan started the 2010 - 2011 school year yesterday.  Joshua started kindergarten and Megan is going into 5th grade! They were pumped.  They both had a great night sleep.  How could that be?  I could NEVER sleep the night before the first day of school.  I still can't.  I woke up yesterday with bags the size of the grand canyon under each eye.  They woke chipper and ready for the day. Megan helped fix Josh breakfast and get dressed because her role as big sister just got a little bit more "important".  Josh has had his outfit picked out for over a month now and was dying to wear his new shoes.  Both grandmas were slated to come comfort me watch the kids get on the school bus.  The kids, Dutch and I made our way outside about 10 minutes early to greet the grandmas and take the needed pictures.  I started to cry inside but managed to stop before we went out.  Well, I cried again when we got out there...and again when the bus came...and again when the bus left...and again when we talked about it.  Megan was such a proud big sister.  She offered to take Josh to introduce him to all her friends ont he bus, take him to his class room and do all the nice sisterly things.  She was the protector. The bus finally peaked the hill and was on its way down to our house.  Even Lucy was anxious to see the kids off to school.  When the bus door opened, Josh and Lucy made his way up the steps only turning around to smile for the camera. He had a grin from ear to ear.  Megan followed in her caring way.  As tears poured down my face I saw him through the tinted bus windows... still smiling.  He was ready.  Both of them are so confident in what they do.  They are so independent and smart.  Although they fight, when it matters most they come together as a powerful team.  It seems the only one nervous, tired, crying, worried and scared was.... ME!! 

Monday, August 16, 2010

Analytics and other things

So this weekend was a bit of a self discovery for me.  I had some experiences that allowed me to see within myself and perhaps see what other people see... but perhaps what I KNOW about myself that I will not change.  I am analytical.  There is no denying it.  I have analyzed "situations" my whole life.  The reason I do not like roller coasters is because I analyze them.  The reason I get stressed about money is because I analyze the account.  The reason I have to be on time is because I analyze the appointment.  Bottom line.  I analyze things.  Lucky for me, I found a job that PAYS me to do that.  Here's the thing.  When my kids are trying something new.  I analyze that too.  I want to have all the facts in line, all the variables set to my understanding, and all of the results thought through.  That is who I am and what I do.  So, when Megan decided to try out for the Starz Softball team, I needed to know all of our options.  Megan and Dutch focused on the performance issues, I focused on the rest of it.

Based on all of my analysis, we agreed on many things... we agreed that she would try out for more than one organization just to get a feel for the right fit.  We decided she would try out for Pitcher to show case all her talents.  We decided it wasn't necessary to spread out her try out times to stragically place her in a more "memorable" spot.  We decided that financially it would be a stretch, but with the fundraising opportunities, we could do it. We decided that Megan needed a BIG hug before try outs to remind her no matter what, we love her and as long as she tried her best, she should be proud.  There were 2 questions that remained unanswered through my analysis.  1.  Who would we pair up with to car pool to practices.  Would there be any one to share that burden from our community? 2.  Where would we stay during the over night excursions?  Would there be pressure to all stay at one location at a place we could not afford?  Standing and talking to the other parents at tryouts I was forced to realize that these 2 "concerns" were ridiculous to be thinking about.  really??? The "mother" that I chatted with literally laughed at my 2 concerns.  How could I even think about things like that?  How could Dutch LIVE with someone like ME?  Dutch very briskly came to my aide and advised that without people like ME, people like HIM would be lost.  That I keep his life grounded and my thorough analysis helps keep us afloat in times of trouble.  That was the first time in my life anyone ever told me that I would be miserable to live with.  It was an eye opener, but in my opinion, I would much rather live with someone LIKE ME than to live with a mother LIKE her that doesn't hug their child before a scary try out.  Someone that doesn't see the good of an organziation like the Starz?  Someone that complains about each facet of the try out... someone whose daughter is starved for attention. 

The analyst in me sees my life as Pretty- OK.  I analyzed her life and see many statistical findings that she is a miserable person with no hope for recovery. 

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Super mom

Between yesterday and today I think I clocked enough miles on my odometer to equal a trip to Texas and back.  Holy cow the logistics of running a house hold.  Kids and I had dentist appointments yesterday.  I had to leave work early to get there.  From there it was a hair color touch up for me then home to my mom's.  I had made dinner the night before so that my mom only had to stick it in the oven for me.  We ate in lighting speed and off to cheer practice and parent meeting.  Finally at 8:10 we were on our way back home.  WHEW.  Today is not much better.  I have to leave early again to get Josh to the eye doctor.  Dutch had the day off so he got the pleasure of getting them BACK to the dentist for cavity fillings.  In the process, Megan has determined she has an ear ache that is not going away.... she called the scheduling coordinator, mom, to make her an appointment.  Um... not gonna fit in the day unless Dad takes her there and I take Josh to eye doctor.  Hard to believe that all that can fit in a day!!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

OMG the drama...

Last night was very dramatic.  Having a daughter that is EXACTLY like myself and a son that is EXACTLY like his dad is very frustrating sometimes.  Megan has had a very busy week.  It is Cheer Camp week.  It is HOT.  She and her fellow rah-rah girls cheer for 6 hours a day.  They are hard core, in your face, high flying, cheer junkies.  After cheer this has been a good week for the pool.  So we rush off to pick up Joshua and head to the pool for 2 hours.  After 2 hours in the sun, running, swimming and playing, we head home for a QUICK dinner and then she is off with Dutch to practice softball for her upcoming Silver Creek Starz tryouts.  She spends about 2 hours lobbing balls to her dad and brother.  Well Megan walks in at 9:30 last night in TEARS.  She doesn't know what she is crying about.  She is dirty, sobbing and exhuasted.  This is where she is JUST LIKE ME.  When I am tired, I am a sobbing MESS.  I cry at NOTHING.  I cry at EVERYTHING.  So, I put her dirtly little butt to bed and tried to lay down with her a little while.  We kept getting silly interuptions.  Joshua came in.  He wanted to know if he could have a bowl of cereal.... UM you dad is out in the kitchen.  Ask him.  (off he went).  The dog came in.  Lucy wanted to know what kind of cuddling was going on without her.  Kissed Megan a few times and then heard the cereal box in the kitchen so off she went. Joshua came in again.  This time he wanted me to check to see if he had 2 testicals instead of one... right now (seriously... there may be an issue, but that is for a different post).  Really, Josh.  Really... you want me to check for that right now... while I am cuddling with Megan?  So off he went... back to the living room. That was the part that explained how Josh is JUST LIKE DUTCH.  He likes to eat, he has very little focus and likes this WOO WOO looked at.    Back to cudding next interruption, the cat.  In comes our cat, Brandi.  We can never find her.  She lives her life around us.  But at this moment she wants to be seen and heard.  She purrs and flops herself down between Megans feet.  This is when I had just about enough.  I gave Megan a hug and a kiss... told her I love her and went to bed in my own room.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Yesterday was a big day in our world.  Josh is officially swimming.  No swimmies needed.  Megan conquered her fear of that big bad water slide too.  She had an incident there years ago and hasn't been back on it since.  Yesterday she went on and LOVED IT.  My kids are acheivers.  The sad part in them acheiving is that it means they are growing up.  But ultimately that is what a mom wants.  She wants her kids to grow up and be able to do what it takes to survive. Acheivements come easy to some and not so easy to other people...Megan has to work hard for each and every acheviement.  She needs to spend time practicing, honing her skills, working hard, thinking hard etc.  She EARNS evey step of the way.  I was just like her.  I am so proud of her for all the work she does at stuff.  Joshua.  He is different.  He is one of those kids that touches something and is good at it. He makes everything look easy.  When he was a tiny little 4 year old, he put on his baseball uniform and hit doubles.  He decided the training wheels on his bike were "dragging him down" so they came off early.  He gets a set of roller blades for his 6th birthday.  The minute he puts them on he skates like a champ.  It is just the way he is.  It is sickening.  Unfortunately, I can see the writing on the wall.  He is this boy that has all this talent.  He will NOT put time into it.  He will NOT spend time practicing.  He will take advantage of his talent and not reach his full potential.  However they do it.... my kids acheive things.  I am so blessed to have them. 

Monday, July 26, 2010

Doing Nothing

I had a wonderful weekend.  My dear husband who is in a cat fish fishing tournament and who is a cat fish champion, changed his plans for me this weekend.  What a good guy.  He usually goes fishing on Saturday nights.  But because my BFF from high school came to visit on Saturday, I asked if he would change his plans and fish on Friday instead.  He did.... JUST FOR ME.  Saturday was a fabulous day.  With the help of my mom and Dutch, I pulled off a very good picnic.  Food was great, company was better.  Joanne and her family got here about 4:00 and by 4:05 the kids hit it off and were on the trampoline.  Joanne looks great and hasn't aged a bit.  Makes me feel old though.  I know I didn't age as well as she did.  DANG IT... That is the problem with being the chubby friend... LOL.  Aw well, I know we are still better looking than many of the others we went to school with.  Joanne and I reminisced and had a few laughs.  We even managed to squeeze in a boat ride.  Unfortunately, the threatening clouds wouldn't hold off and we managed to get off the lake in just enough time to get ice cream before the rain began.  YUMMO. It was such a nice visit and only made me miss my friend JO all the more.  I wish we lived closer.  But what I really wanted to talk about is how I did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING on Sunday.  NOTHING... Nada... Nill.  Joanne and company left around 10:00 and by 10:15 I was asleep on the couch.  I managed to wake up around 11:30 only to go to the bathroom and do a load of laundry.  I folded 2 loads, put them away and then stummbled my way back to the couch.  Laying there I literally had to remind myself that it was OK to be lazy once in a while.  It is very hard to do nothing.  I got dressed and brushed my teeth around 1:00.  and made it back to the recliner where I watched movies, played on facebook, checked my email, and paid bills on the web.  What did I ever do without internet access on my phone???  THANK GOD I can do all that while NOT MOVING.  At 2:30 the family unit became hungry... Oh God... I have to move.  I pulled out the paper plates, heated up left overs in the microwave and noticed I became angry that I was the last one still standing.  Everyone else in the family was back in their reclined positions, but I was catering to their needs like I was a mom or something....oh yea.  About 4:00 Dutch decided it was time for him to move around and got the kids together to go play some ball.  At this point, the guilt really was pressing hard on my brain.  I didn't think I could let the whole day go to "waste" so I managed to sit and watch the sleazy MTV show Jersey Shore while cleaning out Megan's drawers.  After that I just HAD to sit back down.  That 20 minutes of activity was just too much work.  So I made a quick spaghetti and meat sauce and got myself a plate.  I ate it on the recliner... of course.  I was home by myself, had the remote to myself, had dinner, a drink and my recliner the only thing better would be if there was a chic flix on t.v.  Guess what... there was!!!  Soon enough the kids and husband were home, everyone needed me, one needed directions printed, one needed dinner heated, one spilled their spaghetti on the floor, one forgot their sneakers at grandmas and needed them tomorrow, one needed a shower, one needed some water, one was feeling bad about themselves and needed a hug and a kiss, one needed help with their p.j.s and to be encouraged to start a bed time for school, one needed another kiss and another hug. It was true.  Lazy days and Sundays go together.  But having my life back to normal was just as good.  

Friday, July 23, 2010

Some People...

2010 is a landmark year for me.  I seem to be stepping up, stepping out and standing up for myself.  I am so tired of people taking advantage of me and my family that I am now becoming assertive and standing my ground. I don't understand why some people feel the need to step all over others just to get an advantage.  It seems that it is the new way to behave.  What ever happened to FAIRNESS?  Doesn't any one else have any integrity and pride?  When it comes to leading children, it seems that some organizations can be so corrupt.  That is not what I want to teach my child and am shocked that so many people are ok with this.  I am trying to teach my kids that hard work, dedication and confidence is what it takes to succeed.  I try to teach them that even if they have "connections" in a situation, success is not guaranteed.  Unfortunately, it seems that everyone is fighting my theories.  Parents are becoming coaches and advisors just to give their kids a "heads up".  What is this all about?  Are they so threatened that they may not succeed that they need to hold another child down?  Shameful!! I feel like it is my fight against society.  Let's give kids all an equal footing.  Let's teach them to be TEAM players that all work together.  Let's teach them to be truely happy for other peoples success and not jealous of others accomplishments.  Let's teach them that it is ok to fail sometimes... and that is honorable to win too.  I know this sounds all so ideal... but if we all put ourselves in someone elses shoes for one moment, we would be better people. 

Thursday, July 22, 2010

A dream come true

This past week the family took a trip to Canada. Our dear friend Carpy got married. There are some many things about this trip that I want to write about, but today I am going to choose the dance. The dance that started for me about 15 years ago.
15 years ago, it was a hot summer day. Dutch and I were volunteering at an outdoor benefit concert. Our favorite blues band was on stage and we were sitting comfortably in our lawn chairs. Still single, the last thing we usually thought about was "kids" and "family". We sat enjoying the music when we were both mesmerized by the young family in front of us. Dad sat holding the hands of a young toddler. He toddled her around, spun her and gently led her to dance. Mom was more energetic. She and the young school age child danced WILDLY. Ran around each other, arm in arm and legs high steppin it. The music led them and bound them that day. We were mesmerized by the family's spirit. Their happiness to be together. For that moment their cares, their bills, their worries were swept away. They were happy being together. I was jealous. Dutch was jealous. We wanted to dance with them. We wanted to be them.
Fast forward 15 years... I still remember that family. I don't know who they were or what their names are, but I remember what they were wearing that day. I remember what color hair they had and I rememeber what song they were dancing to.

July 17, 2010 that family became the Hepler's. We participated in the beautiful ceremony of the wedding and then the reception began. There were no dancers on the dance floor...except us. The tunes were perfect. The lighting was dimmed. I danced joyously with Joshua. He swung me and hip bumped me and held me in his STRONG 6 year old arms. He had a smile that shined across the room. Next to us was Dutch and Megan. Dutch's big strong burley arms wrapped up our 10 year old blonde beauty. He pulled her close and danced a tango interspersed with a wild dip or pull. Her smile as she looked at her dad was priceless. It was a cross between "your crazy" and "I love you". For a moment I forgot life. I was watching from above. I was "outside of myself" inspired by the family that I saw. I looked out to the other wedding guests and caught glimpses of peoples faces as we danced on that floor all by ourselves. I saw older folks looking and smiling. I saw young children laughing ... it must have been a sight. But I saw something else. I saw that family from 15 years ago... I saw MY Family..... and I saw my new friends Speedo and Brianna (my new SINGLE friends) watching us.

My personal challenge

So I have been reading a lot of blogs lately and find them very interesting and funny! I am setting a goal to blog for one month. I may not blog every single day, but I will try to get at least 5 in a week. There are enough funny, interesting, frustrating things in my life that I can certainly come up with a couple paragraphs about. but today is the day... goals are good. goals keep you thinkin, they keep you moving forward. hope you're willing to listen to my rants over the next month and I will see if this helps me sort my thoughts, share my feelings and put memories down on paper.