First Day Jitters....whose jitters?

I know it is is every parents dream to raise self confident, self reliant, independent, responsible children.  But when it actually happens before your eyes it is sometimes hard to watch.  It is kind of like riding a  rollercoaster trying to cover your eyes but watch all at the same time. Josh and Megan started the 2010 - 2011 school year yesterday.  Joshua started kindergarten and Megan is going into 5th grade! They were pumped.  They both had a great night sleep.  How could that be?  I could NEVER sleep the night before the first day of school.  I still can't.  I woke up yesterday with bags the size of the grand canyon under each eye.  They woke chipper and ready for the day. Megan helped fix Josh breakfast and get dressed because her role as big sister just got a little bit more "important".  Josh has had his outfit picked out for over a month now and was dying to wear his new shoes.  Both grandmas were slated to come comfort me watch the kids get on the school bus.  The kids, Dutch and I made our way outside about 10 minutes early to greet the grandmas and take the needed pictures.  I started to cry inside but managed to stop before we went out.  Well, I cried again when we got out there...and again when the bus came...and again when the bus left...and again when we talked about it.  Megan was such a proud big sister.  She offered to take Josh to introduce him to all her friends ont he bus, take him to his class room and do all the nice sisterly things.  She was the protector. The bus finally peaked the hill and was on its way down to our house.  Even Lucy was anxious to see the kids off to school.  When the bus door opened, Josh and Lucy made his way up the steps only turning around to smile for the camera. He had a grin from ear to ear.  Megan followed in her caring way.  As tears poured down my face I saw him through the tinted bus windows... still smiling.  He was ready.  Both of them are so confident in what they do.  They are so independent and smart.  Although they fight, when it matters most they come together as a powerful team.  It seems the only one nervous, tired, crying, worried and scared was.... ME!! 

Analytics and other things

So this weekend was a bit of a self discovery for me.  I had some experiences that allowed me to see within myself and perhaps see what other people see... but perhaps what I KNOW about myself that I will not change.  I am analytical.  There is no denying it.  I have analyzed "situations" my whole life.  The reason I do not like roller coasters is because I analyze them.  The reason I get stressed about money is because I analyze the account.  The reason I have to be on time is because I analyze the appointment.  Bottom line.  I analyze things.  Lucky for me, I found a job that PAYS me to do that.  Here's the thing.  When my kids are trying something new.  I analyze that too.  I want to have all the facts in line, all the variables set to my understanding, and all of the results thought through.  That is who I am and what I do.  So, when Megan decided to try out for the Starz Softball team, I needed to know all of our options.  Megan and Dutch focused on the performance issues, I focused on the rest of it.

Based on all of my analysis, we agreed on many things... we agreed that she would try out for more than one organization just to get a feel for the right fit.  We decided she would try out for Pitcher to show case all her talents.  We decided it wasn't necessary to spread out her try out times to stragically place her in a more "memorable" spot.  We decided that financially it would be a stretch, but with the fundraising opportunities, we could do it. We decided that Megan needed a BIG hug before try outs to remind her no matter what, we love her and as long as she tried her best, she should be proud.  There were 2 questions that remained unanswered through my analysis.  1.  Who would we pair up with to car pool to practices.  Would there be any one to share that burden from our community? 2.  Where would we stay during the over night excursions?  Would there be pressure to all stay at one location at a place we could not afford?  Standing and talking to the other parents at tryouts I was forced to realize that these 2 "concerns" were ridiculous to be thinking about.  really??? The "mother" that I chatted with literally laughed at my 2 concerns.  How could I even think about things like that?  How could Dutch LIVE with someone like ME?  Dutch very briskly came to my aide and advised that without people like ME, people like HIM would be lost.  That I keep his life grounded and my thorough analysis helps keep us afloat in times of trouble.  That was the first time in my life anyone ever told me that I would be miserable to live with.  It was an eye opener, but in my opinion, I would much rather live with someone LIKE ME than to live with a mother LIKE her that doesn't hug their child before a scary try out.  Someone that doesn't see the good of an organziation like the Starz?  Someone that complains about each facet of the try out... someone whose daughter is starved for attention. 

The analyst in me sees my life as Pretty- OK.  I analyzed her life and see many statistical findings that she is a miserable person with no hope for recovery. 

Super mom

Between yesterday and today I think I clocked enough miles on my odometer to equal a trip to Texas and back.  Holy cow the logistics of running a house hold.  Kids and I had dentist appointments yesterday.  I had to leave work early to get there.  From there it was a hair color touch up for me then home to my mom's.  I had made dinner the night before so that my mom only had to stick it in the oven for me.  We ate in lighting speed and off to cheer practice and parent meeting.  Finally at 8:10 we were on our way back home.  WHEW.  Today is not much better.  I have to leave early again to get Josh to the eye doctor.  Dutch had the day off so he got the pleasure of getting them BACK to the dentist for cavity fillings.  In the process, Megan has determined she has an ear ache that is not going away.... she called the scheduling coordinator, mom, to make her an appointment.  Um... not gonna fit in the day unless Dad takes her there and I take Josh to eye doctor.  Hard to believe that all that can fit in a day!!